What’s a pea?

My pal John Markarian and I were on a road trip. John will turn 100 on June 7 of this year. He was about 97 then.
We pulled in at a convenient store for a pit stop and when we got back in the car, John said, “My mother used to say, ‘If a bean is a bean, what’s a pea?'”
“A great relief,” he answered before I could muster a thought.
A great relief.
And this from a man with a PhD in Theology.
You never know what’s going to pop into you head. The above is one of a few things I wound up thinking about when I heard the other morning on the TODAY Show scientists have come up with a way to determine the amount of pee in swimming pools.
It must have been one of those slow news days because this hot topic was reported everywhere. An article in the New York Post began with: There are two types of people, those who admit they pee in swimming pools and liars.
All pools, not surprisingly, have urine in them. But it turns out it is a minuscule amount. In a pool containing 850,000 gallons of water it is estimated there are about 75 gallons of pee. That comes out to .00009%
I can live with this.
In addition to Rev. Dr. Markarian’s quip (yes, he’s an ordained Presbyterian minister too), a couple of other things came to mind after hearing the swimming pool news.
One was a sentence I read several years ago and wish I wrote: Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant a lot like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
The other was a joke. It goes like this:
Lifeguard: Hey, Buddy, no peeing in the swimming pool.
Swimmer: Everybody else is doing it.
Lifeguard: Yeah, but not from the high dive.

Ed Ackerman